‘She’d get back with him [and] I’d go back to being invisible’: Best friend refuses to be Leah’s breakup backup plan, shuts down being treated as emergency contact

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  • Two women seated outdoors, one facing the camera and one turned sideways, surrounded by greenery
  • AITJ for telling my best friend I’m not her backup plan anymore

    I (26F) have a best friend, Leah (26F). We've been close since we were teenagers. Like the kind of friendship where u know each other's families, u've cried in each other's beds, u've shared secrets that could ruin lives.
  • That's why this hurts so much. Because lately I've been realizing something ugly. I'm not her best friend the way she's mine.
  • I'm her backup plan. It started small. Subtle stuff that I ignored because I didn't want to be that person who keeps score.
  • She'd only call when she needed something and disappear when she got a new boyfriend. She'd promise plans then cancel last minute because someone else invited her somewhere better.
  • And every time I swallowed it. Because I told myself friendships change. People get busy. It's not personal.
  • But then the pattern became impossible to ignore. Whenever Leah was single or fighting with her boyfriend, suddenly I'd get paragraphs.
  • Two women with long hair standing outdoors, one facing the camera and one behind her
  • Miss u. Let's hang out. I need my bestie. Can we have a sleepover like old times.
  • And I'd show up. Every time. Like an idiot. I'd cancel my own plans, clear my schedule, listen to her cry, hype her up, remind her she's worth more than some man.
  • Then she'd get back with him. And . I'd go back to being invisible. The final straw happened last weekend.
  • Leah had been ghosting me for almost a month. She'd leave me on delivered. She'd view my stories but never reply.
  • Close-up of two women holding smartphones outdoors, with a blurred natural background
  • I honestly started wondering if I did something wrong. Then out of nowhere she calls me.
  • Crying. Full panic. She tells me her boyfriend broke up with her and she needs me right now.
  • She says she's coming over. I didn't even think. I just said okay. She came over, we talked for hours, she cried, I comforted her, I ordered food, I did everything I always do.
  • She kept saying u're the only person who understands me. Then she fell asleep on my
  • The next morning she woke up and seemed... fine. Like suspiciously fine. And then she casually said her boyfriend texted her and they're gonna talk later.
  • I already knew what that meant. She was going back. Again. And I felt this wave of anger I couldn't swallow this time.
  • I asked her straight up. So when u two make up later, are u going to disappear again?
  • She laughed like I was joking and said don't be dramatic. That word. Dramatic. It made my chest burn.
  • I told her I'm tired. I'm tired of being her emergency contact. I'm tired of being the friend she remembers only when her relationship is falling apart.
  • I told her I love her, but I'm not her backup plan anymore. She stared at me like I slapped her.
  • Then she got mad. She said I'm selfish. That I'm making her heartbreak about me. That she can't believe I'm kicking her while she's down.
  • I told her I'm not kicking her. I'm finally standing up. She grabbed her bag and left.
  • Now she's posting sad quotes about fake friends and abandonment and I keep questioning myself. Like maybe I should've waited.
  • Maybe I should've been softer. But also when was she ever soft with me? AITJ for telling my best friend I'm not her backup plan anymore?

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